Thoughts as they pass..

I know I am updating this space after such a long gap. Days simply seem to disappear and you never know one from the other. It's been a routine that was hard to break. Before I could even realize we are into the six month of this year and I feel it just begun. It has literally been a rat race against every small thing I do every day.

Months, especially the last couple of months have vanished in thin air, can you believe literally thin air! It's all because kids had summer vacation and their school extended their vacation more. There I was worrying so much about the covering I had to do for Konda, father in law offering to help in and planned his trip accordingly and govt playing havoc on our plans. Finally looks like I will have to do all those covering myself. There actually was a time when I looked forward to that task.

School is reopening tomorrow for Konda, I am so much on nerves. Though I wake up pretty early every day, I wake up to work on the blog. My nightly work has been shifted to day as the kids don't let me work at night. The carefree days are gone, there is no more time for dilly dallying

There are many things I mentally listed that were to be done, still undone..
There are no more days to do them anyway...

The year in passing..

Some days are always itched so deeply in memory that you really don't have to make an effort to remember them. They come crashing and you are left drenched in the memories that come gushing down. Three years ago yesterday, we had embarked on an adventure with our little toddlers on an unforgettable journey. Even after so many years later, the details of every minute spent, stays fresh in my mind. We were visiting my Parents in Calcutta and it a first trip for us as a family traveling so far and especially to my home. Home always meant being next door, for the first time it was so hard not having them close by. And the joy I felt seeing them again can't be expressed in mere words.
 
I wrote about the trip a year later and yet I never felt I forgot any detail from that trip. Calcutta during the Christmas time was beautiful. The whole city was celebrating and the joy was contagious. We had a Santa coming to gift us a cake and balloons for the kids. Their joy knew no bounds seeing those balloons. Small are the joys of tiny tots, wish we could say the same. Yet it was such for me too, basking in my parent's love and seeing their happiness, playing with their grandchildren.
 
When we cut the plum cake, I was reminded of how much I always longed to bake my own fruit cake for Christmas. Hubby dear always says the day ought to be remembered with a cake and wine. And every year we get it for Christmas lunch. Though I have been baking since I was 20 years, I never baked a plum cake. And when I stopped baking, I had no hope I would ever do it.
 
I remember reading somewhere someone saying "One should always dream, how else will you experience the joy of your dream coming true?" How very true, my dream of so many years finally happened today, thanks to the many wonderful friends I am fortunate to have around me. Their generous sharing not fails to rub and you are filled with warm with those unexpected gestures and kind words. A soul sore after being pained, feels warmth from such gestures. Certain things have to be accepted. Life goes on...
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Speaking of friends, this year has been truly remarkable. I finally met my childhood friends, some after a span of 18 years. Some though I have been in touch for years, got connected again which meant so much. One can never outlive their childhood right! As you grow older, you stop growing. You become a spectator to the life that happens in front of you. Happy at times, Sad at some, the strings that hold seem to have no handle for you to do much. You are a mere puppet doing your part in the show.
 
Still there is so much joy in knowing your friend is just a phone call away, not somewhere in the unknown, beyond grasps. Talking to whom, reminds you of those moments from past, that brings a joy to heart, reliving those glorious days again in mind. How much ever fulfilled and meaningful your life is now, childhood will forever remain that exalted state for all.
 
The fun we had when the gang got together over the phone across continents, I could sense the happiness tingling all the way through. I may yet to still achieve what I had set out for this year, there may have been many hardships that came our way, I am grateful for the year that is passing, for the wonderful days that will remain forever fresh in memory. We are stepping ahead with heart full of hopes, of achieving more than what we can, put the best step forward, things are bound to happen right! There is no dearth for optimisms', it is all how you look at!
 
Come tomorrow, we will take a toast with a slice of homemade fruit cake, store bought wine for our new business venture to go long way. And to wish my friends and family joy in the days that come ahead. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, then Happy Pongal..Cycle goes on..

A day like this!

Somethings really strikes us most peculiar, and that I can refer to the weather that we have been witnessing past couple of days. It is so chill! So chill to chill your bones. While I ran around twice early night to get the kids from tuition, I could feel the chill breeze hitting me strongly and I felt cringing closer.

This afternoon I actually took a nap without the fan on. Hubby dear teased me that I always sleep in the freezer and he was shocked to see the fanless room! While taking Konda to her class, she said how she wished it would snow in our dear city. Well, I was so surprised my daughter would share the same thought as I did.

A lazy Sunday well spent, albeit quite a few tidings to kids. Cooked something new but actually didn't feel like clicking them, which was so new. But anyway I can always cook again since hubby dear said it was good. Just waiting for the few more hours to pass by, for us to begin our roller coaster!

Voices..

These are the best, I mean the voices from your childhood. The moments take you on a fly and firmly bring back on earth with a feeling that you have come a circle. It was a conversation with a group of people who were such a part of your life and in between disappeared in thin air. You did speak to all of them at the same time, it felt that all these years interim was never there.

So many things happened in the years that went past, so many that you really can't express all. Yet it makes no sense to think about them, to worry over those thoughts or just forget them. All that mattered was the simple fact that we could finally, finally connect again. The feeling is awesome, it was like being back in the class, making all those pranks..

Life seems to have come so far, yet not that far for me to forget all those years ago..

Thoughts..

There are some thoughts that come to mind very often. To me especially the thought that this year has been too quick was one thought that come too often to mention. During January, I was counting days and the list of items that ought to get done by so and so dates.

Yet I saw a steady tread of down hill at accomplishing certain things while some certainly never saw the day light. Apart from these were the usual thoughts that travel in a different level in our thought process and I so wish I had my notepad to capture them right away. But nothing happened. And yes those were forgotten on the way.

Added to these, is the fact that I have been having dreams. It's been a while since I had dreams. It used to be a habit for me, trying to remember my dreams and process what it has in relation to what happens. But I stopped getting dreams, maybe because I used to hit the pillow very tired and went into deep sleep right away. The other day I woke up with a dream which featured a super human hero and a trilling adventure. I remember the adventure very vividly even now. But somehow not able to pen it down.

When I happened to mention this to hubby dear, he teased me saying lack of time is what is preventing me from becoming the next Rowling in make. Yes big hopes, but that still make me think of my "The Adventures of Chin Chin" stories that I tell my kids..maybe someday!

How you start your day!

I have strongly come to believe it depends on how to start your day, your day progresses. It is said if you spend the first 30 minutes thinking what you plan to do, how you are going to react to the various things that come your way, greatly affects your way of thinking and how you approach.

So this is the best time to start with new vibrating thoughts that can take you to new heights. I have experienced this first hand. Couple of days back, I happened read something that really upset me. I reacted to it right away! I was in bad mood for a while, not because it happened but because I reacted badly to it.

The feeling continued and it even showed up in an incident on the road. Traffic being what it is on the roads at the signal, a cyclist came over to bang me. I knew it wasn't my mistake, But as a general rule the cyclist blame the motorcyclist. He started off with a foul language, not giving me a moment to defend myself. Another motorcyclist silenced him saying its hardly a 2 min wait and you want to spoil it by yelling! And he said all this by signaling, which really put things into perspective.

I missed my walking for couple of days. after this incident felt I have to get back with vigour. For that really gave me my much needed "own time". I start the day walking and spending those 30 mins thinking back on various things that normally never surfaces out!

So many thoughts gush out that I really want to find a way to capture them all..But best of all, the feeling that you are walking all alone with nothing to disturb but your thoughts. Many things crystallize this way.

My Brush with Truth!

Truth sometimes is unbelievably true!
No matter what you think or how you think
it still remains true.
No matter how much pressure, no matter
how much torture you have to go through,
Remain true to the truth, it will see you through!

Hardest pressure makes a diamond of a charcoal,
You are no less, if you know to keep head high,
in tide of tides..
What goes by shall come back for true.
Its only a matter of time..

A lesson learnt!

As always the morning breeze elevates your spirits like nothing. Surprising I felt pangs of Monday Morning Blues. It's not been regular for a while. A week has passed since I started walking in the mornings. It took finally a lecture from better half, that made me get more concerned on my health again.

He always says earning is important, but earning to pay for hospital bills is not! So I had to heed to that again. Its been great walking and feeling that spring in the move. I was glad that I didn't disappoint him by not being determined in my regime. When I started it last week on Sunday it was drizzling. I thought it was the most beautiful time for one to walk. It continued the same for the next couple of days.

While at it, I also happen to remember something else. Whenever somebody talks to me about exercise, I mostly used to reply that I don't find time. I sleep late and then I got to cook, pack lunches in the mornings etc. But now I find that when one makes up mind, time is always there. It only takes your determination.

Well I must say its a good lesson learnt!

Thoughts!

When you know you are right, no matter how wrong others think of you, doesn't matter
It hurts when people who you thought as friends don't trust you, but in time things will be clear.
Sometimes I wonder, what makes me go on and on.
Is it to prove to others or to myself?

I have no answers, but I know the wheels are moving you are just a spike..it goes on and on..

Greatness..

If Greatness comes from doing great things..

Greatness of people you live with, comes from them
taking a backseat to let you do great things..

State of Being!

What do you think of Happiness and What do you think of being Content?

Happiness is a state of Mind.
Content is a state of Soul.

You can be Content without being happy.
But you can't be happy without being content.

Happiness comes from achieving what you want,
Content comes from what you already have and being grateful for it.

Circle of Life!

Life is always a circle, you move in motion to reach your start point. There is always this thing about "What goes, comes back!" It may sound very far fetched to talk about "Do good, good comes to you" when one is really taxed beyond imagination with daily everyday mundane things. But then, when it becomes your most critical point in life, you really can't ignore right!

Yes, when things started looking very bleak, when you don't know how to get going, think "This too shall pass"! There have been times when one was so hard pressed for time, everything was hurried, everything was pressured. Life seemed just too hard to move on. Then comes a period you won't believe has happened, a time when you can actually breath for a moment. And ponder in wonder that this period has come into your life. Cherish that to the maximum, its the celebration of life!

Mango Obsession!

Summer is really not summer if you haven't had your fill of Mangoes. I remember days when all the meals used to be just Mangoes and Mangoes. Endless list of dishes were prepared with both raw and ripe mangoes. Of course we are not used to making savory dishes with ripe mangoes. So with added calories, we add more sugar and what not!

I remember last year being very upset that my boys wouldn't eat these fruits. Fretting as such the summer passed away. To our dismay this summer was the worst we have seen. Not a single mango visible around the city. We got hold of some during our visit to a neaighbouring place. And some that Athamma brought back from Andhra.

Some I stored in the fridge and some out to ripen them. Out came Peddu asking, "Amma, I want Mango, Mango is a fruit! I was pleased that he identified it so well. Then he said I want to eat it. Mango is a fruit." Well finally my little boy is grown enough to ask for Mango, I thought. Chinnu tugged along with him but showed faces when I offered to him.

I chopped them into bite size and offered to Peddu, before I could even decide what next, he came running back asking for more! He didn't eat his dinner that day and slept dreaming about Mangoes. Next day morning, the first thing I hear from him was "I want Mango! By this time, Chinnu was really curious with Peddu's reaction.

Within minutes, I felt another pair of tiny hands pulling me. Turned to see Chinnu standing with a cup in hand! He wanted his share of Mangoes. Now I went about the task of slicing the remaining mangoes that I could find and within minutes all the mangoes disappeared. I had to dodge myself as I couldn't find anymore to slice. While no amount of persuasion could make him change his mind, Peddu took just about seconds to change the mind.

One look at hubby dear convinced that same thoughts were running in his mind. Before we could even sniff the fragrance of the tantalizing mangoes, they did a disappearing act.

The way back..

We had unexpected rains and should confess it caught us unaware. Not that it really matters. We always think every raining season that by next shower we should be better equipped. It started to be very cloudy since Tuesday afternoon, by evening it started drizzling. I think it started heavy pouring by night.

By the time we got up, it was pouring! The sight of the sky so open always catches me in wonder. I was standing there for a while enjoying the scene of the water coming down without constrain. Then I had to force myself to carry on with the work to get the boys to day care as I have office. We dropped them at the school and I hurried to office. Hubby dear was asking me couple of times if he should drop me, but I said I will go myself.

It was simply wonderful, the feeling that comes riding through the rains with rain drops so harsh that I couldn't even see. I prayed my bike shouldn't give up on me. I managed to reach office in one piece. As expected we didn't have power. The day passed with most of the time talking about the rains and managing to get the work done.

The way back was even more dramatic than expected. Tree along the roads were down the traffic was slow. Worse or best part of the whole thing was, it was so windy. I couldn't ride and felt I was going back. Wind that blew was so severe that I felt so chill and my knees were shaking! My teeth were chattering and eyes were drozy. I managed to reach home without knowing how I managed to ride all the way back...

Memories!

Memories wash by...You hear voices from the depth of somewhere.
The voices you thought you might never hear again.
The voices that were from past seem to seemlessly blend
Into one that you no longer recognise.
But you can feel all those years flip away within moments!

No sooner you are that lanky, insecure teen, not sure what 'morrow will bring.
Life has come a long way, yet memories never cease to stop.
You are what your memories are!

About Books, Teachers, and Boys..

What is it with teachers that makes you feel so helpless? Or at least that is how I feel every time I meet my kids teachers. My boys teacher must be younger than me for sure. Yet in her presence I was squirming and struggling what to say. I felt transported to my own class at a younger age. Though I was never tongue-tied to answer Teachers, I always felt in awe!

I was feeling very restless and guilty that I could complete the Book covering. As expected I procrastinated to the last moment. Deciding to do it at 11.30 pm was way too late. Still I had to do it. To my dismay I saw that the covers were not enough and I didn't have labels. Well after packing two sets of books, I had no more patience. I hit the bed ardently hoping the teacher won't yell at me.

I shouldn't have worried. The Teacher was very sweet, seeing that few books are not covered, she gave it back to me. Next she said your boys are very naughty but so smart. Ok, here it starts! I thought. I tried to look apologetic, but I couldn't. Hubby dear says if Konda's brothers are not naughty, who else will be!

A new chapter in life...

What can I say, at every new stage in life, we pause and wonder if we really can cross this stage. And before long we are way past the stage to even realize we did cross it and with flying colours!

This week saw another important milestone in our life. Our twin boys started their mainstream schooling. They are used to being away at school at a very young age still it was more of a fun thing and they felt at home in their playschool. As the days got closer, I was remembering the same period when Konda started her school. That first day when I spent the entire time sitting with her. And the second day she was crying, refusing to go. Then she managed to get adjusted. The third day when her father went to drop her, he was waiting for her to get vanished in the crowd but she was walking ahead with every step she turned to look at him. He couldn't get himself away and was feeling worse when he saw her trip over a pot and fell down. Braving not to cry, she got up, waved one last time, before getting inside the class.

Hubby dear came up all worked up. Swearing never to send his little angle anywhere, he finally came to terms. Change is a content entity in life. Adapting is even more. She is now going to enter a grade, which I so clearly remember of my own. Does life really passes in a wink of an eye?

Years have passed and it is now my boys turn to begin the Journey of their life! A Journey that is sure to have all the different colours that Life can offer. The first three days we had to stay back for an hour and get them. By second day they were fine, but asked if I would stay back with them. I assured them that Mummy will be waiting outside while they played and got to know their teachers better.

This morning Peddu came up and asked me if I would stay back with him, I said I will. He replied "But you say that daily but never stay back", with look that welled up my eyes. I gathered him up and pinched his cherubic cheeks. My dear Peddu, he is such a darling innocent baby. Not that Chinnu isn't but at least he looks little capable of taking care of himself and his brother. Well I knew I thought that too soon, for while I was dropping them at the school, Chinnu asked me very softly if I would stay back with them. I assured him that I will be waiting just outside to the door.

I am sure just as Konda did, my boys will have a spring in their legs to jump out for school. And will never remember these days. They will soon come to love their new school and new things that Life will bring out. It is only we who need to have more courage to get them across these days...

Success comes to one who practice at it...

or rather to one who can take the failures first and be still optimistic enough to expect success coming out of every other corner!

 

Declare yourself as expert of something and work towards that. you didn't grow old in a day, so is your success. You got to work towards that.

 

Ignore what people around you might say wrong. Avoid negative vibes. There is nothing like positive approach can do to one self's!

Life is a succession of moments...

To live each one is to succeed...

    As I turn a new leaf on my table calendar, this is what I get to read. While last year was a feast to eyes with food pictures from a popular restaurant, this year each month has a beautiful quote along with a hand done painting. Every time I glance at it, I am inspired by the wordings plus the paintings. I feel pushed to take up my brush or have an adrenalin attack to make me do sometime new.

First quarter has passed, I can't say it was the most productive one. Still it was fine. Now the first day is here. I am determined no matter what. Destiny is what you plan..or so I think!

What goes...comes back!

If there was one certainty in life it is Change!
Ok lets make it two certainties..apart from changes, one other thing that is certain is the dictum: What goes..comes back again.

When you do a good deed, it comes back to you
When you do a bad deed, it surely comes back to you
So decide if you want a good deed or bad deed to haunt you back.

When you are taunted with an ill thought about somebody, before you wish it out, remember this ill thought can stem lots of bad vibes, which is not needed at all. Focus on the good things..bad things will be taken care of!